72 Secrets to Happiness
Secret 35 Sex





Sex is an instinct and necessary for the survival of any species.  It most likely is the strongest instinct that we have and certainly gives the greatest reward and satisfaction from doing.  So where is the downside?

Orgies, prostitution, and causal sex can bring a great deal of flash happiness.  This type of sex is like heroin.  It maximizes the initial hit or high but has a hang over or dependency which is even greater. 

For sex to give lasting happiness you must give pleasure to your partner without requiring them to reciprocate.  See Secret 34 Egotism for the reason this is so.  We tend to think of sex as a sport not realizing that reproduction not only takes a male and female but for humans it takes a mother and father.

The instinct to raise children goes hand in hand with the instinct to create new life.  As cave men and until recently in our modern civilized society it was an instinct for the parents to be monogamous.  There are other mammals that share monogamy with humans and in each case it is that for the new born needs to be taken care of  for many years in order to survive.  For these mammals and man nature dictates monogamy as a means to strong and healthy offspring.

To be the best possible parents you must work well as a team, love each other and love and nourish the child.  The reward for such behavior is far greater than the flash reward from the sexual act alone.  Parents must give equally and honestly to each other and during sex that means caring more for the spouse than for the self, especially while having sex.  It is not open to modern civilized debate, this is instinct passed down for millions of years and going against this instinct creates all kinds of chaos, fear, jealousy, hate, and depression.

Just as a foot note - The parents do not have to be of opposite sex to be good parents and gain the rewards from good sex.  But they must follow the same rules of giving to the other above what they give to themselves and this means they must be monogamous or true long lasting happiness is off the table.
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